dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
two words: eviction party
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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