i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
