At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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