sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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