I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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