im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
