i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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