Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
