he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
