You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
