i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
