had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
