It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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