I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
