We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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