im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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