i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
