he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
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I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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