Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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