I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
