and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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