I am spending my child support on dildos
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
