You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
