Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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