All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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