can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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