dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
