I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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