she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
