I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
