they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
