why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
