I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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