first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
honey bunches of taint.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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