So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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