R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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