I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
