all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
