margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day