My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.