Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas