just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night