Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother