She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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