so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
