i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
