Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
