yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
