If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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