Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
