we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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