when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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