clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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