Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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