She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
