Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
