i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize