Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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