Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
