You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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