Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
