she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
