I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
