Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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