Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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