Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
