Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
