Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
