Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
