You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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