I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
