he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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