how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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