btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
