think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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