i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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