I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this boner is exhausting
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
