About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
