Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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