that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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