Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, beer. Big fan.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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