omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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