you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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