I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
