p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
