How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
