I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
