I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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