You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
