Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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