Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Welp...herpes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
